


Klaus' Guide To Claiming His Possessions

by lowlifetheory



Category: The Originals (TV), The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, M/M, Relationships only if you squint right, Urination, it was at lunchtime today, its suppose to be funny, klaus likes to pee on his possessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 11:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10830243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowlifetheory/pseuds/lowlifetheory
Summary: Klaus pees on Elena. She reacts.





	Klaus' Guide To Claiming His Possessions

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so this is a bunch of nonsense - we were supposed to be working, instead we were thinking about Klaus...

'Wha-what is that?' Elena screwed her face up and brought her hand out of her wet hair. 'Is it pee?'

Klaus landed on his feet in front of her and tugged the zipper of his jeans up. 

'Did you just pee on me?' Elena sobbed. Damon took a big step away from her. 

'I like to pee on all of my things love, it marks them as mine,' Klaus stuck his hands into his pockets. 

'Things, I'm not a thing Klaus and I'm not yours!' Elena said as she looked desperately at Stefan 'I'm covered in pee.'

Stefan nodded. 

'Of course you are love. Just like my Hybrids, and my Ripper, you're my Doppleganger,' Klaus' dimples popped into his cheeks. 

'Wait, did you pee on Tyler and- oh my god did you pee on Stefan!' Elena cried. 

Stefan shifted on his feet and looked at the ground. 

'Ewwww!' Elena began to sob in earnest. 

Klaus rolled his eyes and turned to leave. 'My work here is done.'

'I -why did you do this to me I don't deserve it,' Elena sobbed. 

Klaus rolled his eyes. 'You're irritating me now I'm bored of this.'

'You can't just leave,' Damon said. 

'Do you expect me to reverse suck the urine into my penis?' Klaus asked Damon. 

Damon dry heaved and Stefan held a hand up. 

'Enough, Klaus, bugger off, Elena, just go shower, you're on your front porch. Damon...go away,' Stefan said. 

'Bugger off, bugger off!' Klaus snapped. Stefan sighed in irritation. 

'Look you peed on her, what did you expect, a box of chocolates, and we've talked about personal boundaries,' Stefan said. 

Klaus shook his head with a blank look on his face. 

'No compelling us, no peeing on people, living or dead, or daggered,' Stefan was beginning to get a headache. Was that even possible. With Klaus' insanity and the wails of Elena as she told Jeremy that Klaus peed on her it probably was. 

'Fine,' he folded his arms. 

'And we should get out of here,' Stefan said. 

'Why?' Klaus asked innocently. 

'Because Jeremy's going to come out here and try and kill you for peeing on his sister and you'll fight and-' 

'I get the point,' Klaus said but he still hadn't moved. 

With a huff Stefan wrapped his fingers around the back of Klaus neck and hurried him to the car. 

'Does this mean we're friends again?' Klaus asked hopefully. 

'Shut up,' Stefan snapped as he shoved Klaus into the passenger seat of his ridiculous car and climbed in beside him. 

'If we're going on a road trip can we bring Caroline?' Klaus asked. 

Stefan ignored him, but to Klaus' delight he pulled onto Caroline's street. 

\---

Twenty minutes later Klaus and Stefan were running through Mystic Falls while Caroline chased them in her moms water canon truck.


End file.
